Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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