I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
handjob tips. give me some.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
