Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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