I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
