I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
