I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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