So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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