Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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