unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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