I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
