On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Randomize
