You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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