I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
The beer is more important than you right now.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
