The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize