You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
