Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
