I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize