I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I need a beard to bite.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
