I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize