So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
