Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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