There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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