dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
