Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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