i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
