He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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