Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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