You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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