Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
