After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
