Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
