The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
