HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
