I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I have already put on my inside pants.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
