No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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