I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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