You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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