He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
