Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
