he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
