I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Is it penis luge time yet?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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