I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
