so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
