I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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