Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
