I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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