i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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