She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
