We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
