8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Randomize