He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
She told me I should be a condom model.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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