A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
