the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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