it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
