I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize