Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
