He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
