The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
