thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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