I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I met the friendliest cop last night
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
