please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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