btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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