No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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