I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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