he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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