4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
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