he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
