Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
