I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize