i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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