Fine. I'll sleep in my office
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
