Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
