she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
