I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
