; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
