I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
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