What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Never underestimate the power of titties
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize