I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
