she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
